


i miss you, even though you're still here.

by shore_11



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 13:45:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19063888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shore_11/pseuds/shore_11
Summary: Sam Wilson is worried. Everyday he loses more and more of his best friend, and he doesn't know how much longer can pretend he doesn't notice.





	i miss you, even though you're still here.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so pls be gentle with me

Sam Wilson is worried. Everyday he loses more and more of his best friend, and he doesn't know how much longer he can pretend he doesn't notice. Every time Steve excuses himself, and comes back hours later with his eyes red-rimmed and his knuckles bruised and bloody, Sam turns his back and pretends he doesn't notice.

He knows better than to mix being a friend and being a counsellor, and he knows Steve is more in need of a friend right now. Besides, what can he say? What advice can you offer to someone who has had their entire life ripped apart? To somebody who has had every person they've ever loved ripped away from them? To somebody who gives everything he has to a world that doesn't deserve it, and still finds a way to blame himself? There's nothing you can say, because nothing will ever make it better. 

Instead, he tries to get Steve to live, even if it only works for a few hours. 

So he makes silly jokes, takes Steve away from the compound on his worst days. It's all he can do to try and distract Steve from the battle raging in his head, the guilt, and the memories of all he's lost slowly eating at him. And as much as he pretends he doesn't, Sam always notices Steve looking over his shoulder for any sign of Bucky, his face always falling when he realises he's not there. 

At times, it doesn't feel like he's helping. It feels like he's bashing his head against a wall, like Steve is slipping further and further away and no matter how hard Sam tries, he can never reach him. But on those rare occasions that Steve will smile at him from across the room, or cuddle up to him whilst they're watching a movie Sam insisted they watch, he knows he's able to offer some comfort. And maybe it's selfish, but in those moments Sam feels warm and content, and needed. 

When Bucky comes back, that feeling fades. Steve is all sunshine and smiles, trailing after him like a lost puppy, and pandering to his every need. But it's fine, because it's what Steve needs. It's what Bucky needs. Who cares if it's not what Sam needs? All he wants is for Steve to finally find happiness in this cruel world, and who the hell is he to deny him of that because he's feeling a bit neglected? It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt every time he sees Steve and Bucky sneak away together. 

But on a day that will forever be ingrained into Sam's memory, Steve comes and joins him on the sofa, leaving Bucky in his bedroom. He sits as close as possible, wrapping his arm tightly around Sam's shoulders and smiling, "what movie are we watching tonight?"

Halfway through the film, Bucky comes out of his room, sitting in the arm chair on Sam's right. His hair's a mess, his feet are bare, and he's yawning, but when his eyes fall on Steve and Sam cuddled together, the tiniest hint of a smile graces his face. And finally, Sam thinks as Steve snuggles in closer, they can all learn to be happy again.


End file.
